Inspi(RED)

I don't know if pride is the right word, I guess it could be, but it is safe to say I was humbled on Wednesday. I have always been willing to buy things to help support the research and prevention of HIV and AIDS. I admit I have two shirts, a bag and a scarf from the RED campaign at the GAP and they are some of my favorite things. Not because I love the GAP, but because I wanted to help make a difference. I consider myself someone who is aware and concerned with what is happening around the world with AIDS. But, this past week changed everything for me.

For almost two weeks now we have been dealing with three different cases of HIV - a brand new baby, a mother of three and a young single woman who is only two months pregnant with her first baby. I can't seem to stop thinking about this beautiful young woman who has come to our program. She has tested positive for HIV twice now. Wednesday would be the day we would have to sit down with John and tell her that her world would forever be changed. I can't think of anything worse. Our Wednesday clinic was coming to an end and she still had not come to see us. John had Carine call and remind her he needed to talk to her. Soon enough, she was here and it was time. We sat in John's office with the new varnish smell filling the air as he was inches from her face asking questions to buy time before he would have to tell her what he really needed to say. I was holding my breath, but it wasn't the varnish smell, it was the news. Finally, in my broken understanding of the Haitian language I heard the dreaded word, SIDA (HIV). I wanted to close my eyes and be some place different, if I could just borrow Dorthy's ruby slippers I would have been out of there. The varnish smell seemed to fade from the room as the sound of her crying filled the room as she called for her mother and Jesus. My face was hot and I could feel the tears welling up. She put her head down on the desk and cried calling out in sobs for help.

Soon Beth, Lisa, Jes and Agahte would come to sit with us. We began to pray and cry with her. Beth shared with her how much we loved her and that she wasn't alone and we would help her get into a program that would supply the meds she would need to live a better life. She prayed with us to ask Jesus in her heart. Not the church kind of Jesus you only see on Sunday but the real Jesus that you hang out with everyday for the rest of your life. The kind of Jesus that she was going to need everyday.

I have a handful of pictures in my mind of looks on peoples faces that I wish I had a delete button for because they haunt me at times. The look on her face when she heard John say, SIDA, is in fact one of those pictures. Her face was frozen, eyes locked with John for a split second as her mind raced wildly, and than, she was gone, on the downward spiral of questions.

We had finished. I gave her tap-tap money, hugged her again and promised I would see her in the morning to go again, for yet another test, just to make sure we would have three positive results. I stood in the breeze way wanting to scream! So much for my RED purchases, like they really helped her have a better life, was all I could think.

My sweet friend Beth said, Sheila you are here and you are in the trenches. We are here in Haiti and have come to Haiti needing that very same real Jesus to help us in all that we do. I will continue to wear my t-shirts but they will mean something very different to me from now on. Years from now, I am sure I will see her face. I am pretty sure Beth was right, again, when she said, HIV isn't a surprise to Jesus. I am thankful he can say, I already have the t-shirt, been there, done that - thats why I died for you!