Suzie

I don't even know where to begin. I have written about HIV in the past. I have told you that I have a passion for working with the women and children who have HIV and if I wasn't doing the sewing program I would consider doing it full time.
They need a voice. They need someone to help them fight for their lives. They need someone to push through everything that makes a "free" program too much trouble even knowing they could die if they don't fight for what is free. They need respect and dignity, two things that are pretty hard to get with HIV.

I have been working with Suzie for months. She tested positive when we did her labs. She didn't really agree to go to get meds, but I told her she was going to start dreaming about me bugging her if she didn't go. She needed to go for her unborn baby and her other children. I got all the paperwork done so she could transfer to Doctor's Without Borders and have her baby for free, in a safe place. No such luck, she had her in the back of a tap-tap. No, I am not kidding.
I bugged her and bugged her to bring her family and get tested. It didn't seem important. It was complicated. I was not getting through to her.
So today when the whole family walked through my gate I determined none of them was leaving until I got the lab work done even if I had to sit on them. Trust me I would have! The team was here with a lab in a suit case! It was perfect.
I understood it would also be the painful truth if what I was thinking was true.

My worst fear came true today. I had a house full of people, wonderful people here to help with clinic and about a hundred who needed to be seen. I had to find John and we had to figure this out. What should we do? I was getting pulled in so many directions that I was not finishing my conversation. John was showing people the baby house and would be back in ten minutes. With lab results in hand we finally talked about what to do with a whole family that tested HIV positive.

I wasn't feeling good. My head was spinning. I told Beth, I hate today. The husband wanted to leave, I told him to wait. We came up with a plan. Suzie would get a shot for family planning, Tara would drive the whole family to another lab for confirmation of our tests. They would meet as a family on Friday with John to talk about the results.

I am still numb. I have so many unanswered questions. How can a whole family have HIV - four out of five have HIV. Depending on what happens with the other lab results it could be five out of five. It could be that the three year old has reverted back to negative and the one month old baby could as well. I have to get on a plane in the morning and leave Haiti with so many unanswered questions. How can I leave? The sad truth is, I can leave and they can't. When I come back they will still have HIV.