WARNING!

I love Thai food. So last week when I found a few packages of Pad Thai spice on clearance for thirty-seven cents, it was clearly a no brainer, I put them in my cart and took them home.
I was pretty pleased with the flavor of my random find, so after dinner, as I read off the list of ingredients to see just what was in this little bargain, I was surprised to see a "WARNING".
WARNING this package contains anchovies.
I knew you used fish sauce in a lot of Thai cooking, I just wasn't thinking anchovies.

I get that the connection between an anchovies WARNING on a package of Thai spice and my own personal struggle with grasping my inability to deal with the things my heart has seen over the years can be or should I say.... a stretch of the imagination.

Yet, at this time, I feel compelled to post a warning for those who may not understand the cost of finding your passion.
For me, the battle is for my heart to remain tender with the ability to love.
I mean the kind of love that can change a persons heart. The kind of change the will make them question behaviors and direction and ultimately draw them closer to Jesus.
As I try to fit in my own skin dealing with things I have been thinking about over the past few weeks here is a sample of a "WARNING" for those who are considering yielding to a deeper calling.

WARNING:
You won't be able to eat enough to fill the empty ache in your gut.
There is no pill to take for the pain in your heart.
There isn't enough rest to avoid being overwhelmed.
There isn't enough chocolate to sweeten the bitter taste left in your mouth.
There isn't enough sun block to help you not be burned by the injustice you have seen.
There isn't enough alcohol to drown the sorrow.
There are days your thoughts are no longer your own.
You will never be able to buy enough stuff to fill the void you feel for those in need around you.
White noise has an all new meaning.
There will never be enough medicine to bring healing to the sickness in the soul of a nation.
There is no magic answer, cure or pill that you will be able to produce in your own strength.

So if you think for one second you can do this thing on your own, you should really reconsider what you can and can not do in your own strength. It will be important that in our willingness to yield, you ask yourselves if you are willing to be what Desmond Tutu called "wounded healers".
A people that have an empathy or an authority on a specific pain.
A heart willing to forgive, a heart that is tender, a heart that will not betray you.

If you have come to a place that you are willing to say yes to all of the above and accept the WARNING to be something that you believe to be a "God" thing.
You will be given a measure of grace and peace that will be beyond your ability to comprehend.
You will have an understanding of the scripture "deep calls to deep" and yet you may not have words to explain to others the things you now know to be true.
You will also be given a new understanding of just who Jesus is.
You will understand that you can't go very far from his feet before you start to feel like you just can't "do it" any more and some how when you are seated at his feet you can do anything that he has placed deep with in your heart to do.

Maybe you don't like Thai food, but I do hope that you will consider living a life full of passion.

Happy Birthday Madisen Grace!

Today is Madisen's Birthday - she is twelve years old today!
Happy Birthday Madster! We love you!
Maddie adds so much to our family - she is a very special girl!

Fatherlessness

63% - of youths are from fatherless homes

85% - of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes

80% - of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes

71% - of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

75% - of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes

70% - of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes

85% - of all youths in prison come form fatherless homes

You don't have to be in Haiti very long before you begin to notice it is mostly women you see working and taking their children to and from school.
The next question in your mind is generally, "what are all the men doing"?
You see men on the streets, but most of them are not working.
Maybe they are talking, watching soccer or playing domino's.
Some are selling ice cream, phone cards, frozen ice drinks with flavored syrup, water or cokes.
Some do odd jobs on cars, tires, cement work, tin art, drive tap-tap's or paint.
As you get used to the day to day activity and life of the family, you notice that there are very few "in-tact" families.
I know of only a hand full.
Yes, you see it in the States, but you see the devastation so much more clearly in a place like Haiti.

So when I came across these statistics I wondered what the numbers would be in Haiti.
Yet, truthfully, some of things could never be accounted for, weakness is not allowed and so many aspects of fatherlessness are not ever verbalized.
Life means something different in a third world.
Grown women cry and have a panic attack about getting a shot, yet they don't name their children that took hours, maybe days to birth.
There are issues with self worth, authority, love and respect that we are not even aware of.
Life with a soul that has holes in it has become normal.
Yet you see a very broken government, a worthless economy and entitlement.
You see, for lack of a better description, a hole in the soul of Haiti the country, not just the people.
Many are lost, powerless and hopeless, yet they are strong and crazy smart in ways you can't imagine.
I wonder if it can be that they haven't moved past the mind set of being slaves into being free men.
I wonder what that looks like here?
And I wonder how would you do that if you didn't know and you had no one to teach you?
Half, if not all, of your identity, your name, your history comes from your father.
Haiti has generation after generation of fatherless who don't think twice about it.
Or do they? I had a young man tell me he lost his soul when he didn't live with his father.
I once heard a man say, "the sin of Africa is that they always choose the darkness".
I think the sin of Haiti or of any nation, if you can say that about a place, would be "fatherlessness".

You Will Know Who I Am

Hosea 2:19 says, you will know who I am because I will give you....

Justice - Fairness - Love - Kindness - Faithfulness

I have been thinking about this for days letting it mill around in my head.
I have been asking myself a lot of questions and I wonder, if this is what the Lord gives his bride and this is the bride price that he has already paid, I am guessing that most of the world doesn't know or get these things on a daily basis or He wouldn't have needed to say it and have this guy Hosea take the time to write it down for us.
When I read it, it was like getting a Post-It Note in my lunch box that said,
Psst, this is what I will give and this is what will make me different from all the others.
No prenup agreement needed here.
I am thinkin' if we are in a relationship, church, ministry this should be your guideline.
You should be asking, "Am I getting these thing?"
If not, I am guessing that there are some dynamics that need to be looked at and evaluate either in you, in them, or maybe both.
On the flip side we need to ask ourselves some hard questions about our character.
Like, if this is the example of who Jesus is, am I treating everyone this way?
Do I bring these things to the table in every relationship that I have?

Tetherball

Tetherball is a North American game for two opposing players. The equipment consists of a 10 ft (3 m), stationary metal pole, from which is hung a ball from a rope, or tether. The two players stand on opposite sides of the pole. Each player tries to hit the ball one way; one clockwise, and one counterclockwise. The game ends when one player manages to wind the ball all the way around the pole so that it is stopped by the rope.

Rules:Rules vary from region to region and even from one court to another, and there is no definitive set of rules that everyone follows.
The game begins when one player serves the ball, usually by holding it in one hand and hitting it with the other. The opposing player then attempts to return the serve by hitting it in the opposite direction. The object is to hit the ball in such a way that one's opponent will be unable to alter the ball's direction; this gives the server an advantage since the server has more control over the ball from the beginning. It is generally acceptable to hit the ball with either the fist or the open hand.

The game ends when one player hits the ball around the pole in their own direction as far as it will go, so that the ball hits the pole. In addition, the ball must strike the pole with the final wrap above a line marked on the pole. A match can consist of one, three, five, or more games.

Thoughts: In no way am I saying, I think the Lord plays "games", but I admit I have been known to say, I feel like I am on Mister Toad's Wild Ride. It is that part of human nature that fights to be in control yet when we are in control we often find ourselves in trouble.
I see Jesus as the "pole" providing great strength and focus, the "ball" is how we respond to life's journey.
If we are not careful I do believe that as we walk out this journey our emotions and circumstances can "play" with us causing us to play games with God, others and ourselves.
I have come to understand that I, me, know myself well enough to say that I can not take one step back from the pole, i.e. Jesus or I will be out of the game.
I confess that for my bull-headed personality I tend to think I can do everything myself.
Yet, when I am doing things my way I do not have the ability to function in a rational way that will add value to the lives of the different people I am in contact with not to mention my children, my husband or myself.
I can remember sitting in Mrs. Walker's class trying to learn multiplication facts, which I found of no value at all, waiting for the bell to ring so we could go to recess.
I had already learned the lesson of not sticking my tongue of the frozen basket ball pole in the middle of a Minnesota winter. Now that I think of it, this lesson stayed with me much longer then multiplication facts because I sure never forgotten it.
Tom boy that I was I can remember standing with my feet a part, fists clenched, waiting and watching for the perfect hit.
Bam!! Air ball! I missed it! I was now spinning around trying not to falling down.
Pride hurt I struggled get my bearings back.
I was stunned in disbelief that I missed the ball. After all I had a perfect shot.
It buzzes past me again and again, yet I am still motionless and disorientated.
Bearings back, I now realize I am standing so far away from the center I couldn't hit the ball if I wanted to.
Time out! I must regroup and get my footing again in order to be back in the game.

It has been a long ride with Mister Toad but I now understand that no matter what surface I am standing on Jesus needs to be my foundation or I am not in the game.
Yes, the "rules" seem to vary depending on what region I am in, but our basic needs are the same.
Rich, poor, black or white, we all want and need to be loved, treated with respect, needing food, water and shelter.
It was the cross that gave us the ability to change the direction of the ball.
It is our inability to grasp the depth of His love for us that holds us back and won't allow us to believe that this can really be true thus taking us out of the game believing the lies our mind tells us we need to believe to have our "A" game on.
We easily forget once we step out of bounds we lose the ability to return the serve and we are defeated.
In tetherball and life, there are no set rules or magic formulas.
Religion and denomination say you must live life based on formula, but relationship says, He loves you!
It is abiding in His love for us that will keep us in the game.
Game over!