Little Did I Know

October 16, 2000
Looking back over the well worn pages in my journal I have to laugh.
I am cringing a bit at what I have written.
I have only one redeeming thought in knowing we didn't all have on those matching t-shirts that scream newbie.
My redemption fades quickly however as I am reminded of our thrift store broom stick skirts and fanny packs.
Oh, and let's not forget to mention I had a a huge cold sore right in the middle of my top lip.
I looked like I had a disease.

Having not read the words on these pages for years, I find it interesting that I had the ability "to see" a few striking things.
Now knowing and being the first person to admit, I had no clue, none!

The faces of the Haitian people are first on the list of things that stood out to me.
Each it's own story.
It is an uncomfortable story.
Yet, there is a beauty I have never seen in a white persons face.
Is it the beauty in the blackness and deeply chiseled cheek bones?
Or is it all the deep lines that cause you to get stuck?
These lines are different then the lines of their cheek bones.
They have been worn deeply on their face year after year.
Maybe it's the lifeless eyes that are asking for help.
No matter what it is they are all now talking so loudly you can't hear yourself think.
Well, think rationally anyway.
It is your own nervousness and discomfort that cause you to look away.
You are arguing with yourself and God all at the same time, thinking now might be a good time to get back on the plane and go home before too much more damage has been done to your emotional well being.
There is, at this point, some well being left, or so you think.

It was now clear that by the end of two weeks I would not be the same person.
Little did I know what that was really going to look like.
I often think, if I would have know then what I know now would I have really gone on this trip.
With out a doubt, the answer is...yes.