black like me...?

The Blue Sweater
Blue Paint On The Road - Page 102
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But don't pretend to be someone you aren't.
If you were at home, you'd celebrate with champagne.
If you want to remain happy and alive in this work, you need to reconcile this part of who you are and understand the inconsistencies with the work you do and how it all fits into your whole way of being.
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One of my most favorite books is "Black Like Me".
I read it years ago, way before I had any intention of traveling to Africa or Haiti.
Yet, I still think about all the time.
I have always thought I would live in India or Indonesia and wonder how I grew to love Africa and Haiti.
In High school, I bought some of my clothes at Pier One Imports because they came from India and I loved them.
My dad asked my mom why I had to wear such wrinkled clothes?
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While talking on the phone to my friend Lisa, I heard myself say, "yeah, the problem is I look like a white woman living in middle class America, but in my heart and mind I feel like a homeless Haitian woman."
There it was again, "Black Like Me".
We started laughing and pretty soon we laughed so hard we ended up crying.
Laughing one minute and crying the next seem to be part of this process as well.
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I have been working on reconciling just who I am and what I am called to do with my life.
It's not exactly like asking the question, "when you grow up, what do you want to be" but sorta on the same idea.
Life looked much different when we lived in Haiti full-time, it was who I was and I fit.
Well, I fit as much as a white woman can fit in a nation of all black people, but I knew it was what I would do for the rest of my life no matter the color of my skin or theirs.
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The process..........
I'm not sure I can put it in words.
My friend Helen says, it is more like deep calling to deep.
It is understood, not spoken - if you haven't been there you won't understand.
I say maybe and I don't know more often and I am slow to speak about my life and the life of others.
I have never walked this road, nor have I walked the road of others.
This is a walk of grace and faith.
Now it is mine.
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This is about coming to terms with a life that I have more questions than answers.
Doing what I love with out fixing it and still loving it.
About not forgetting to be true to myself and what I love.
It is about the bigger picture.
Most of all it is about being comfortable in my own skin.
Skin that seems to not fit well more often than not.
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Black like Me, maybe......maybe just Me.